inspired by | the power of intention

i’ve been thinking about intention lately. and how we are easily dazed and confused by it. the recipe says claim an intention, and we can manifest it. voila! but what about when other things happen, and not the way we think they should. is that intention, too? or is it divine order interceding?

here’s what i know for sure about intention, but i have to tell you a story first.

about how we found out at 17 weeks, we were having twins. and at 18 weeks, how that celebration was punctured because our twins – although healthy + growing – were inside a war zone. my placenta was wired to destroy. baby A was getting too much amniotic fluid, causing her heart to overwork. statistically, her beating heart would likely stop from sheer exhaustion. since her sister was getting all the fluid, baby B was starving and it was only a matter of time before she stopped growing.

this complication didn’t have a cure. still doesn’t. so, the next best thing the doctors could do was deliver the babies prematurely. except. at 18 weeks, a baby isn’t viable yet.

we were two twenty-somethings being told if our babies made it to 24 weeks (and that ‘if’ was rigged with doubt), they’d be delivered by emergency c-section. however, we ought to keep that hope in check because life outside the womb would be hard. likely devastating. and their odds for survival weren’t any better.

we were told to give up.

but something in me said, “what if. what if they made it to 30 weeks?”

impossible was the standard reply.

so. i did the only thing i could on bed rest. i wrote in my journal. of the tremendous heartache. the overwhelming agony of not knowing where this was going. trying to make sense of the point to it all. and surrendering. painfully accepting fully there was nothing i could physically do to change the situation.

we walked through the fires. having almost daily ultrasounds. several amnioreductions. gut wrenching play-by-plays: have they gained weight? does she have enough amniotic fluid? how is her heart? how much fluid is there today — we don’t want mom to go into labor. and every day, i’d return to that journal, ravishing blank pages with every dark feeling i possessed.

but here’s the part that stands out most. by the time i wrung out my words, the page felt heavy. so, superstitiously, i would end each entry with the same, consistent thought. “they will make it to 30 weeks. they will be healthy without any complications. and they will thrive.”

no matter the gruel or grit of the day, this was my postscript to every journal entry.

19 weeks came and went.
so did 20.
and 24.
and 26.

and on the 30th week exactly, two lovelies came into the world. despite the experts and odds and studies against them.

and they continue thriving + jiving today.

so, here’s what i know about intention. be clear about what it is you want. don’t siphon its clarity with a leggy list of wants. connect to your intention every day. be emotional about it – feel, if only for seconds, as if. surrender your expectations, have a little faith, and let grace orchestrate.

few of my intentions in life have manifested overnight. they usually run the other way when i complain. and they sure as hell aren’t interested when i waffle. they lose conviction if i talk more than i pay attention. my only obligation — as far as i can tell — is to stay positive, be consistent, and remain neutral about the details.

that’s how we make intentions happen. because the things we want the most are going to be where we learn the most.

xo