Q & A: how do we bring back the romance?

with so much insta-ready feng shui available these days, you likely have applied a concept or two and seen some impressive results. what if i told you this is just a glimpse of what’s possible? this week’s Q&A highlights how a 1:1 conversation takes the universal concepts (often found on the socials and in books) and turns it into a spot treatment plan for your house and life!

the QUESTION: “my kids and i moved into my fiancé’s busy uptown apartment about almost a year ago, and the energy has been OFF since we have arrived. we ARGUE all the time (or at least there seems to frequently be some sort of tension). how do we bring back the romance and harmony in our home?

the apartment is very small, modern, all white – including the kitchen, like something you might see out of a minimalist magazine, which feels more bachelor pad-y than kid friendly warmth. our storage is limited; the furnishings are very minimalist; and we have gotten rid of the majority of our things. there is still clutter from time to time due to the small living space with four people. there is a wall in each bedroom that is completely a mirror (which i know mirrors facing beds in Feng Shui can be a no-no). also, the kids room is the relationship corner of the apartment, and that is the one area of the apartment that is almost always a MESS (understatement!). lastly, we have had trouble with a lot of appliances breaking in both our relationship (kids room) and career/travel corner areas (bathroom and kitchen). we are always opening windows, saging, vacuuming, and have gotten rid of *so many* possessions to make the small space look clean, but i know there is more. it feels a bit sterile in our home, and i feel like it’s really affecting our relationship harmony.”

 

 

the SHUI: let’s start with the elements! all 5 elements– water, wood, fire, earth, and metal – need to be present in our space for our nervous systems to feel relaxed and nurtured. there is very healthy connective tissue among them, and when our space is void of a few, our nervous systems often respond emotionally to the gaps.

the other variable we want to balance is the yin/yang energy. neither yin nor yang is “bad” or “good” – it’s when they are out of balance that we tip into unwanted energy.

so, let’s break this down:

“we ARGUE all the time” + “modern, all white – including the kitchen” + “like something you might see out of a minimalist magazine” tells me there is an excess of the METAL element in your space. all the elements have a wide variety of expressions, so this in no way captures all of metal’s qualities – but metal is showing up in the color white and minimalist design features. the challenge? too much METAL can cause us to be sharp-tongued, distant, and unwilling to compromise. the other challenge is the excess YANG energy from the white/minimalism/bachelor pad-y combo.

my recommendations – and only choose what resonates most as your starting points – are:

• balance out the METAL by bringing in some FIRE. fire ‘melts’ metal and contributes to feeling safe, warm, and wholeheartedly present. besides lights and candles, fire can be expressed in photos (both animals + people are expressions of fire); animal prints +/or faux furs; leather, wool, or silk; imagery of the sun rising; triangle, diamond, sunburst, and pyramid shapes; and fire itself. you only need to bring in 1-2 expressions, so choose something that feels good to both of you and complements the décor. and definitely add a little fire to your bedroom – va-va-va-voom!

 

• blend the family energies by incorporating some wood energy. WOOD feeds FIRE (think of a campfire), and it also supports growth and new beginnings. if you have a photo of you all together and happy, put it in a wood frame and place it somewhere everyone can see it. a few other easy expressions of the wood element include plants + flowers; floral prints; any blues or greens; plant-based fibers, like cotton and linen; baskets; paper; vertical patterns; and prints of trees.

 

• balance the yang by finding a way to express everyone’s personality in the common living room/area. when our common rooms are garnished with love notes of all the personalities under a roof, life tends to go well and feels good for all. these small details are very yin and will help pull the yang back into a harmonious relationship.

 

• stop worrying about the kids’ bedrooms, other than whatever boundaries and rules you enforce already. instead, focus that energy on your bedroom. make sure this sanctuary reflects both of you in the décor choices and preferences. common culprits with relationship woes are single-imagery (avoid photos of 1 person or something that denotes a single item); unequal space (when someone moves in and isn’t provided equal space, it implies the other person is more at home); and anything in the room that interferes with sensuality and romance. i like a few black + white accents (such as photography) to denote partnership equality + yin/yang balance.

 

• as for the appliances breaking, once you bring other elements into the space and add your yin touches, i feel like this will resolve. electrical appliances specifically correlate with our nervous system – and with your energy tuned into feeling the heat from arguments + wondering what’s wrong with the space, it makes sense wires are getting crossed.

when you get through a few of these changes, instead of using sage to cleanse your space, buy some frankincense resin. you will also need a burn-safe dish and a charcoal briquette. light the charcoal, let it smolder until it’s glowing orange, and drop a few pieces of resin on it. frankincense is used for prayer + protection, and it is excellent medicine when we want to refresh energy around us. set new intentions for the space, acknowledging what you’ve done to mitigate the hiccups. walk around every room so the frankincense can waft into all 4 corners. start and finish at your front door. say a prayer of gratitude, and then extinguish the briquette. feel free to use this method in place of smudging with sage when you want to do an energetic clean-up!

xo

 

p.s.  i have 3 appointments available this February to work 1:1. want more information? email me + i’ll send the details. this year, i am including something new for my 1:1 consults: a personalized 9 Star Ki report. feng shui was developed to understand the energy of space; 9 Star Ki Astrology was developed to understand the energy of time. this report is based on the 5 natural elements of Wood, Fire, Earth, Metal, and Water. we all have a tendency to experience life from one primary element, perhaps two – so it’s important that we nourish that element in our homes and work spaces. your custom report will help you understand and incorporate the elements that support that best life YOU!