overcleaning and Feng Shui
I had a conversation recently with a woman who told me she spends most of her day cleaning, which means she rarely gets to anything else she actually wants to do.
I felt for her immediately because once upon a time, that was me.
I grew up in a home where cleaning wasn’t optional. every Saturday, the whole house got done. every weekday after school, my brother and I came home and one of us dusted while the other vacuumed. no exceptions. I carried that rhythm into college, into marriage, still vacuuming every single day without question.
and then I got put on bedrest at 18 weeks of my pregnancy.
suddenly I couldn’t clean, and something unexpected happened: with my focus locked entirely on getting my girls to a viable week, the spotless house lost its grip…for a minute.
after bringing our girls home from the NICU, I tried to get back in cleaning shape, but that old regimen was a much heavier lift.
my mom gifted me someone to come in and clean every other week that first year, and while it was to help me clean, it did something else. it gave me the chance to loosen up and practice imperfection…
I still needed my house super clean, but I was not as hyper focused on it.
it wasn’t until I was deep into shui that something finally cracked me open completely. I came across a line from an author (I can’t remember. now who) saying, “when everything is sterile, nothing happens.”
the day I read that was the day I stopped vacuuming every single day because I finally ‘got’ it.
in that moment, I was trying to grow a business. I was trying to plant seeds, but you cannot keep digging up the soil and expect anything to take root. that’s what the relentless cleaning had become for me. it was a way to feel in control, yes, but also a way to keep nothing from ever truly growing (because isn’t that a type of control, too?).
I shared all of this with the woman I mentioned at the beginning. and then I shared one more thing because she also has a teenage daughter whose room looks like a disaster zone…and that was weighing on her.
a teenager’s messy room is not a character flaw; it is an intuitive counterbalance.
think about it. teenagers are at the absolute peak energy arc of their lives and they have almost zero control over how they spend it. they’re told when to be at school, when to come home, when to study, what activities to attend. their entire day is dictated by someone else. when they finally get a space that’s theirs? things look a little (or a lot) reckless, but the room is helping to absorb all of that yang energy coursing through their bodies and minds.
and for younger kids, the ‘mess’ serves a completely different purpose: it’s nest-building. their collections and piles and beloved clutter are how they feel safe in a world that’s still very big and very new to them.
none of this means anything goes, by the way. I typically recommend to clients they pick three non-negotiables – a few ‘rules’ that, if honored, help you feel like both sides are getting something. the ones I come back to most often:
+ no food left in the bedroom. keep the cups and dishes moving out. it prevents buildup and teaches basic self-respect for their space.
+ curtains open once a day because even five minutes of sunlight can shift the energy in a room. light is energetic bleach and it is an irrefutable mood lifter.
+ the floor needs to be visible once a week. our floors speak to how we move through life, and having them clear even a path helps in BIG ways.
now, these might not be your three, but having three (not thirty!) is what makes the difference between a household power struggle and a workable standard.
after I walked this woman through all of it, I could see her physically exhale. she’d grown up the same way I had, with the same unspoken rule that a clean home meant you had it together. hearing that her daughter’s mess had meaning and that she didn’t have to be so hard on herself or so demanding of her daughter… it let her lift her head up and see a whole world that had been waiting for her to participate in it.
I hope it does the same for you.
now, if you recognize yourself in the over-cleaning, the control, or the constant “trying to get it right” – imagine what happens when you actually understand the energetic patterns underneath it.
that’s what we do inside The Simple Shui Course.
you learn how to read your home and apply shui to your real life – your family, your business, your habits – with nuance and confidence.
you receive lifetime access to the full curriculum, plus a chance to join a live module session every month with me – where we leave a little time at the end for you to ask me your specific questions (without booking a private consultation!).
Feng Shui isn’t about a perfect house; it’s about understanding your home and taking advantage of the opportunities already within your reach!
ready for that? join us here. xo
