simple shui | clean communication, part 2

as promised, here are my superstar rules for clean communication.

1. say what you know when you know it.

i can’t emphasize this enough. especially when credibility is in the balance. own your mistakes. even if you feel vulnerable, you will stand fully in your power by owning the story around them.

2. when making a point, stick to the simplest sentence structure. noun meets verb.

provide your information so it is easy to understand and follow. we often divulge too much content and end up diluting our point in the process.

3. also. when making a point, pick one or two at the most. and keep re-iterating them throughout the conversation.

if you do, your point will be clear. if you don’t, your emphasis might get lost in a tangent.

4. stick to facts. no opinions.

opinions are excellent warfare so be aware before you go there.

5. words are power so choose them carefully.

6. speak less, listen more.

we interrupt when we feel what we have to say is more important than what is being spoken. trust you will know what to say when the time is yours. everyone shares the same desire to be heard. really heard. honor this.

7. if you feel good about your point, you never need to raise your voice.

no one can speak to you in a demeaning way unless you are willing to be demeaned. don’t betray yourself like that.

8. never attack someone with insulting words.

describe behaviors instead.

your opinion was mean. (good)

versus

you are mean. (zoinks!)

9. when asking a question, wait for the response. and do not interrupt. (see #6)

10. Avoid using us and them.

if possible, avoid using all pronouns. it creates a rhetorical divide.

the situation was difficult. (i’m open to a conversation.)

versus

i felt you were difficult. (defenses are up.)

11. when someone gets defensive, communication has broken down.

in communication studies, you become very familiar with the sender/receiver model. and a good communicator is someone who listens as well as (if not better than) s/he speaks. once someone becomes defensive, s/he is selectively listening. at this point, it is best to say i see it differently and move away from the conversation, if possible. give it some time, and re-visit the conversation when everyone has cooled their jets!

12. and, above all else, respect people where they are.

don’t play to their low notes. and instead of putting your efforts into their evolution, wish them well and paddle onward.

xo

photo by k. lane