inspired by | forgiveness

sometimes, i think moving to the moon would be easier than forgiveness.

forgiveness makes pitch perfect sense to my heart.

however. tell it to my head, and she’s bending metal ready for a showdown. i’m right, and i usually have plenty of reasons to back me up.

i’ve read enough to accept that what we dislike in others is only a reflection of what we despise about ourselves.

so. i am quite familiar with that cul-de-sac.

but, i arrived unexpectedly to another realization recently, too.

when we try to forgive someone and it just doesn’t happen, it might suggest we haven’t fully forgiven ourselves of misgivings.

either we didn’t say the right thing. or think quickly on our own feet. or get out-of-the-way soon enough. or maybe, we are simply wrong. somewhere is a hook.

maybe this just all makes sense in my head, but i think wherever a grudge lies is fertile opportunity for some self forgiveness.

i made it a 2013 goal to learn how to forgive more easily. and i am barely treading water here. i suspect i’ll never be brilliant at it, but good enough would be a fine enough leap for me.

so, over the last few months, i’ve begun a few rituals.

when i am trying to forgive someone else, i pray for myself first.

and in supplication, i seek to flesh out how i do to others what has been “done” to me. it can be gritty, but if you can’t plummet your own soul, forgiveness is impossible. so, look for the hook.

i lean hard into one question unceasingly: how can i see this situation differently? this takes courage, but if you’ve said a prayer, you will get there. it might take a couple detours as giving up being right is surprisingly harder than choosing happiness. go figure.

i always ask my ego to imagine the other person as a small child. how different is my response toward him/her as a 6-year old? go deep here. because the survival instincts we adopt as children are often how we sabotage ourselves as adults.

and then, i pray for them…for 30 days (or more). and i wish for them peace.

because, in the end, that is exactly what i desire, too.

xo